Me: Ahh! Where did you come from?!

Dog: I heard you making a snack. Is it something good?

Me: You heard me making a snack from three rooms away? And I thought you were asleep. It’s late.

Dog: Yes. I was. 

Me: Well, it’s just bread and butter. I’m a little embarrassed you caught me. I was just hungry, and… it was all I could think of.

Dog: It sounds fantastic. May I have some?

Me: Really, it’s nothing interesting for dogs. It’s not even that interesting for people.

Dog: But it’s sourdough bread, right? And the fancy butter?

Me: Yeah.

Dog: It really does sound great. Also, I can see from the look on your face that you think it’s going to be great, and I trust your taste.

Me: I’m telling you, you’ll be disappointed.

Dog: I have a scavenger’s taste buds. They are actually much duller than yours, so that my ancestors could gulp down food even when it was past its prime. Do you think vultures taste every bit of viscera they tear up? They do not.

Me: That’s an apt comparison. To vultures.

Dog: It’s really the idea of the snack that is so powerful – and so satisfying.

Me: I guess that’s how all snacks work. How did we get here, though? I was so careful not to teach you to beg. No food off plates, no food from the table. Usually I ask you to do something else while we’re eating. 

Dog: There are a lot of loopholes.

Me: What do you mean? I’m very consistent.

Dog: You share food with me when we’re driving.

Me: Oh yeah.

Dog: And you mix up whole, real food with my kibble, which you do in the kitchen just like making a human meal. Which I really appreciate, by the way. But what’s a dog to think?

Me: Gosh. Right.

Dog: And some people, who I will not name, share bits with me when they are cooking. And they share more bits the more attentive and charming I am.

Me: Sigh. I know.

Dog: So what do you say? Just a taste?

Me: Oh geez! How did you get above me on the stairs?!

Dog: I’m quick. I just wanted to make it easier for you to place a tasty morsel of bread and butter in my mouth.

Me. Fine – here.

Dog: Thank you! SO GOOD. You really do know how to pick a snack! I’ll meet you on the upstairs landing for another nibble.

Me. Oh my God. Here. But that’s it!

Dog. Thank you. 

Me: Good night. Again.

Dog: Good night. Don’t worry, you’ll do better tomorrow. I believe in you.